When you’re struggling with depression, the urge to reach out for help is natural—and necessary. But what happens when the people you turn to for support do more harm than good?
It’s a reality many of us face. In our most vulnerable moments, we sometimes find ourselves seeking solace from those who aren’t equipped—or willing—to help us in the right way. And while asking for help is a brave and important step, knowing who to turn to is just as critical.
There are two groups of people that we will most often encounter;
The Well-Meaning But Misguided
Sometimes, the people closest to us want to help but don’t know how. They might say things like:
“Just think positive.”
“It’s not that bad—other people have it worse.”
“You just need to try harder.”
While often well-intentioned, these words can feel dismissive, making you question the validity of your feelings or leaving you even more isolated.
The truth is, not everyone understands depression, and that’s okay. But it’s important to recognize when their attempts at support aren’t helping.
The Toxic Support System
In some cases, the people we turn to for help may be outright harmful. They might:
Minimize your pain or mock your vulnerability.
Use your struggles against you later.
Dismiss your depression as weakness or attention-seeking.
Toxic individuals can leave you feeling even worse, reinforcing the belief that no one cares or that your feelings aren’t valid.
If someone makes you feel ashamed, belittled, or unsafe when you open up, it’s a sign they aren’t the right person to support you.
Why the Wrong Support Can Be Dangerous
Reaching out for help is a vulnerable act. When that vulnerability is met with misunderstanding or negativity, it can have serious consequences:
1. Increased Isolation: Feeling invalidated may make you withdraw further, convinced no one will understand or care.
2. Eroded Self-Worth: Hurtful responses can deepen the shame and self-doubt that often accompany depression.
3. Delayed Healing: Depending on the wrong people might prevent you from seeking the proper help you need to recover.
How to Find the Right Support?
The good news is that there are people and resources that can truly help. Here’s how to ensure you’re reaching out to the right sources:
1. Start with Professionals
Therapists, counselors, and mental health professionals are trained to provide the support you need. They offer a safe, judgment-free space to work through your feelings.
2. Identify Safe People
Turn to individuals who: listen without judgment, offer empathy instead of advice and respect your boundaries and emotions.
This might be a trusted friend, family member, or a support group.
3. Set Boundaries
If someone’s response feels hurtful or dismissive, it’s okay to distance yourself from them in this area of your life. You deserve support that uplifts you, not drags you down.
4. Utilize Hotlines and Resources
If you’re unsure where to turn, crisis hotlines and online resources offer immediate support and can connect you with professionals who genuinely care. I was initially skeptical about them, but they really do make a difference, especially for those who feel they have no one they can trust with their emotions.
Moving Forward;
Asking for help when you’re struggling with depression is one of the bravest things you can do. But not everyone will know how to support you in the way you need—and that’s not a reflection of your worth or your struggles.
Be selective about who you confide in, and don’t hesitate to seek professional help. The right support can make all the difference on your journey to healing.
Have you ever experienced the wrong kind of support while struggling with depression? How did you find the right people or resources? Let’s open the conversation and remind each other that we deserve care, compassion, and understanding.
